I had a very nice weekend – spent it mostly alone, on the beach, in the sun.  Too bad the beach and the sun remind me of Fucker.

It’s good to get angry sometimes, it pulls you up by your bootstraps, so to speak.  Gives you a little oomph to move forward, past your problems.  I am angry, yes, I am.  I am angry that once again a man whom I thought was “da bomb” thought I was a piece of garbage to be thrown out.  Yes, I’m still talking about Adam.  The rest of my life has blown up in my face, why not focus on the one thing I can’t change?  As if him liking me would fix everything else.  I go for the impossible things.  The things that can’t happen.  I drive myself nuts along with everyone else around me.  But the thing is, the things that ARE possible – they’re just not good enough.

I want the stars AND the moon.

 I wonder what it’s going to be like, living here without my son.  My son is in Michigan, with his family, and decided he wants to stay.  He wants to go to school there, and play football there, and be around his family.  I can’t blame him, but the idea of going back is suffocating to me.  Maybe I’d feel different if I WAS there.  Maybe I just need to finish out school right now.  I have a chance to move to an apartment directly on the beach.  That would be amazing.