I hate the term “settle.” Dust settles. But that’s exactly how I feel about now, I’m floating comfortably, relaxing into a new space. FINALLY. After living over 2 months with one’s grandmother, it’s great to have one’s own kitchen again. I wouldn’t have been able to make it this long with her and my grandfather, though.  They really helped me out through some hard spots recently.

I have a new job that I will be starting next week. I’m terribly excited about it. I’ll be working in the development department of a major hospital – working in fundraising, and will be utilizing my writing skills and my organizing skills and my people skills. I couldn’t ask for a better fit.

Being in the midwest in the autumn is amazing. I’m almost glad to be back, but not quite. I love the smell of the air, and the sound of the wind through the dead trees. I want to go apple picking – yes, they had that out in New England, too, but I just never went – never wanted to, NOW I want to. 

The depression is still sticking hard, and never again will I refer to A-hole as A-hole. A**** is a great guy, who’s dealing with his own issues, and still finding the time to be there for me through mine. He’s grown so much over the last year, and I am so proud of him and who he’s become, even though I have no right to be. I just wish I could be more a part of his life than an occasional phone call nowadays. My insides are all confused, so I have no idea if I’m supposed to wait to be with him, or if I need to move on and find someone else.

Speaking of someone else – ok, so I’m horrible at sitting with my emotions, so I keep moving around, trying to avoid them, which is why I started dating, even though I’m totally thrown over by A****. This guy – it’s good sex, but that’s what it’s dwindled down to. He’s moody, pouty, and won’t answer my call if he’s mad at me. And he thinks it’s funny. Dammit I need a real man. Someone who’s totally going to take control of the situation, he needs to be stronger than me, or at least strong where I’m weak. Where I’m weakest? I don’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. So I suffer. Which is (&*&)^(&^ RIDICULOUS!!!!

More news later.