08.06.08
Life gets crazy
My last post was last september. So much has happened in the last year. And so little.
A-hole got back in my life – seems he was in jail for awhile, which sobered him up. He’s still sober, I fell for him again, whereupon he promptly told me he was in love with someone from his past, and they were going to do the happy family thing. We’re still friends, though. I guess.
I’m moving back to the midwest, my son was doing so much better there, and he got kicked out of his uncle’s house. I’m very sad about leaving the ocean, but it’s the right thing to do.
I dated a chinese vampire, I checked myself into the hospital for depression, and got a new tattoo. Oh, and a new car.
I have realized that doing the right thing isn’t the easiest thing. I have realized that no matter how much your intuition tells you something is right, it doesn’t mean it is. I have realized that I love the sound of the ocean in the middle of the night, and I love watching the waves roll in, it makes me feel really content. I have realized that most of my dreams probably won’t come true, and that we have to make new dreams to replace them. I have realized that I fall in love quickly and completely, and don’t consider the consequences. I have realized that life keeps going on, even when you want it to stop. I have realized that depression is a sickness, comparable to diabetes, it can strike you no matter your life circumstances, and you have to treat it long-term. I have realized I love to have sex in semi-public…outside, where you could get discovered, but no one’s around. I have realized that I can only have sex 3 times with the same person without getting attached and wanting more from them.
So, a lot has been learned. There hasn’t been too many blue moments, though. One where A put his hand on my hip as he moved around me to get something off the counter. One where he bought me my favorite ice cream because I was coming over. Waking up with his arm and leg thrown over me. Good energy hugs from my massage boss. I guess that covers the entire last year. Oh, laughing with the Chinese Vampire in Salem the weekend before Halloween. He’s great. Turned into a good friend. I said goodbye to him last night, and cried my eyes out.
09.12.07
Closet Fashionista
I had an epiphany the other day. I adore fashion. Project Runway is one of my favorite reality shows, and America’s Next Top Model is hands down the best. The drama ticks me off, I just want to see the fashion shots!
I’ve always tried to deny it, because after all, isn’t fashion tres superficial? Maybe, maybe not, I’m not even going to waste time thinking about that argument, because I’m done with that. I enjoy it. Even if I can’t wear it. So, that said, if I were a fashion designer, I’d be Betsy Johnson. I LOVE her Spring 2008 collection. It’s like 50’s retro meets Strawberry Shortcake Punk – you’ve got looks like Apple Dumplin’ does Holly Homemaker and Rainbow Bright Goes to Prom. It’s exciting and fun! It must have been a blast to work on.
Now, if I were to WEAR fashion, it’d be Oscar de la Renta, or Ralph Lauren. VERY Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s OR My Fair Lady, Dahling.
Fashion is an easy thing to enjoy. Just go online and browse a bit. It’s fun to decide what looks are absolutely hideous (Marc Jacobs, for example) and what are Gorgeous! It’s all about personal taste, and you don’t need to limit yourself to just one, after all. It’s also fun to take just a moment out of your day and imagine walking on the red carpet next to Matthew McConaughey or George Clooney. It definitely gets one out of a funk.
Also, meet my new BFFs…The Fug Girls. Ok, so maybe they don’t know they’re my new BFFs, but they’re there when I need a laugh, and when I’m depressed I can go to them, and they always have something snarky to say about someone that will make me feel better about myself. What more do you look for in a friend? Oh, maybe a glass of wine together now and then, but really, the most important part is the deep conversation.
Rock on, sister Fashionistas, and until next time, just imagine what its like to open your eyes every morning to the deep orange and purple sky as it wakes up over the ocean. I’m achieving so much inner peace in my new digs that I feel almost numb.
09.04.07
Change – the only constant
Three weeks ago, I was stuck in my old apartment, my son had just gone to Michigan and had just talked to me about staying there.
Today, I am settling in to a brand new apartment that popped up on the radar moments before my son first spoke to me about staying in Michigan. Literally. That day, I had gone to a friend’s house. They have an apartment on the beach, and I had spent the day swimming in the ocean, lying in the sun, walking to the center of town and eating pizza, fried dough, and ice cream with them and their children. Because I had enjoyed the day so much, the subject came up – the apartment upstairs was for rent. Three weeks later, to the day, I was unpacking my things in my new, beach-side apartment. One side faces the salt marshes, and an unobstructed view of the sunset. The other side is a walk-out to a sand-filled back yard, and a gate – beyond which is the ocean. Pure and simple. I can see the sun rising over the ocean through my bedroom window, and it doesn’t suck to do dishes with the last golden rays of the day spilling through the window into the kitchen. Yesterday, my friends from downstairs and I repeated the day when I first found out about the apartment. We strolled to the center of town, ate some ‘za and some ice cream, enjoyed the sun and each other’s company, and made a big deal about walking home together. They put their kids to bed, turned on the monitors, and climbed the stairs for a movie, warm brownies, and a few glasses of wine. Later, I took my dog for a moonlight stroll on the beach, where he started getting used to the waves rolling over his paws. Life just doesn’t suck.
My son’s life doesn’t suck either, it seems. He called me Saturday morning. “Guess where I am, Mom.” “Where, Honey?” “Tailgaiting at the U of M football game.” My family has season tickets, but since my grandparents are getting older, lots of family members get a chance to go. It was only too bad that he had to see Appalachian State beat the Wolverines on their opening game!
